101 Ways to Crossover Annoy Voldemort
by Ravenwood240
Summary: 101 ways to crossover kill, maim, torment, annoy, harass, torture, destroy, humiliate, or otherwise pester the DorkLard Moldywart.
1. One to Ten

_**One Hundred and One Crossover Ways to Kill, Maim, Torment, Annoy, Incapacitate, Aggravate, Immobilize, or Otherwise Disconcert Voldemort.**_

Harry Potter grinned at Hermione. "You're certain this will work?"

Hermione nodded, and began explaining exactly what she'd found. Harry just blinked. He was only catching about one word in ten, and really didn't have a clue what Hermione was talking about. "Hermione," he said, waiting for her to stop. "Hermione!"

She blinked but stopped talking. "Just tell me that you're sure it will work."

Hermione nodded. "It will send the target somewhere else, somewhere not in our reality, and to a place where the target can be contained."

Harry smiled and looked at the small stone. It glowed a deep blue and was about the size of Harry's fist. He picked it up and smiled. "Tell me how to work it again."

Two days later, in the Forbidden Forest.

Harry ducked a curse, and flung one back, not really paying attention to the target, his mind and eyes on Voldemort. His wand was in one hand and the blue stone was in the other as he tried to get close enough to activate the magic it contained. One more rush and Harry threw the stone at Voldemort, muttering the spell that activated it at the same time.

It hit Voldemort in the chest, and there was a flash of blue light. When it cleared, everyone stopped, frozen in shock.

Voldemort was gone.

One:

Voldemort appeared in front of a man with a katana in his hand. He looked at the sword and sneered. "I am immortal, you cannot hurt me."

The man stared at him in disbelief and reacted when Voldemort tried to bring his wand up. His katana flashed once, removing Voldemort's head from his shoulders. The man looked at the body. "There can be only one," he said with a faint Scottish accent, as he walked away.

Two:

Voldemort reappeared and looked around. He was in some sort of strange place, where everything was bright colours that didn't look right. A memory from the orphanage he'd grown up in surfaced, and he frowned. Why did the world look like a cartoon?

"Oh, you look like you need a hug." Voldemort spun, staring in disbelief at a one meter high bear with a Heart on its chest. He raised his wand and tried to A-K the creature.

"Silly man," the bear giggled as it came closer, opening its arms wide. "Evil magic doesn't work in CareBearland." Voldemort looked up to see dozens of animals with symbols on their chests converging on him.

"NOOO!!!!!!"

Three:

The mail clad warrior was sitting in the tavern having an ale and talking about his latest adventure with an old friend. "So, we tried to kill this bloody sod, name of Voldemort, about thirty times, and he kept flipping coming back."

The Elven Druid frowned. "I hate it when that happens. What did you do with him?"

The warrior shrugged and finished his ale. "What do we always do when the bastards are immortal? We caught him off guard and turned him to stone. He's an ugly birdbath though."

Four:

Voldemort appeared in some sort of dirt road. Somewhere near by he could hear revving engines, but all he saw was a river and the road. He looked at the river, and suddenly, from close behind him came a blaring raucous horn sound and some sort of screaming. "Yea Hahhhhhh!!!" He whirled around, leading with his wand, only to freeze as a bright orange car fell out of the sky, smashing him into the Hazard County dirt. Seconds later, the three police cars following the orange car finished grinding him into the dirt, leaving only a familiar road kill blotch on the road.

Luke looked at Bo. "Cuz, did we hit something back there?"

Bo shrugged. "I don't know, and with Roscoe on our tail, I'm not stopping to find out." He grinned at Luke. "Sides, what I saw didn't look human, and road kill is a Hazard County tradition. By the way, remind me not to eat at the diner for a few days, will you?"

Two days later, a farmer walking down the road found Voldemort's wand, and three days later, that farmer had the only yew-shaft pipe in Hazard County. The strange feather he'd drilled out of the core was stuck in his hat band.

Five:

Voldemort appeared in front of a strange looking Muggle building, cursing Harry Potter. He didn't know what Harry had done, but when he figured it out, Potter was going to pay for this. "Pardon me Sir," came a voice from behind him,causing him to spin around. "You're thinking about committing many acts of violence and death, which is against the law."

The agent didn't get any further as Voldemort attempted to commit one of those acts of violence or death. The agent disappeared a split second before the green beam hit him and as soon as the green light was gone there were a dozen men surrounding Voldemort. Without a word, they raised some sort of weapon to their shoulders and fired, the Time Travel beams unravelling Voldemort, erasing him from the time stream entirely.

Six:

Voldemort appeared in the middle of a forest, swearing at Harry Potter. He tried to cast a "Locate Me" spell and figure out where he was, but it didn't work. It took almost twenty minutes before Voldemort was willing to admit that magic didn't work here. He picked a direction and started walking.

About an hour later, he began noticing the strangest music he'd ever heard. He was looking for the source of it when a local greeted him.

"You sure do have a pretty mouth, boy."

Seven:

Voldemort appeared in a strange house, and spent nearly three hours trying to get out. His magic worked, but it didn't seem to effect anything here. He was frankly relieved when a man in a red and black striped shirt and strange hat showed up. Finally, a target for his magic.

He cast an Imperius at him, wanting to question him about this place, and was dumbfounded when it didn't work at all. The terribly scarred man smirked at him. "You're in dreamland, and Freddy rules here."

The man stared at him for a minute and then smiled as he became a giant baby Harry Potter, with the scar still bleeding. The baby looked at the disbelieving Voldemort and swung a bottle at him. "Bad mans hurt me."

Voldemort believed then, as he felt ribs break and organs shift as the bottle smashed him into a wall and out the other side. He got up and started to run as the giant baby stepped through the wall.

"Bad Mans."

Eight:

Voldemort cursed as he appeared in a forest, until the appearance of the forest struck him. It was oddly colourful and seemed slightly two dimensional. He frowned and began walking. Barely a few seconds had passed when he heard something and he stopped, pulling his wand.

As he hid, a dozen small blue creatures burst out of the under brush, running by him without seeing him and disappearing again. Right behind them was a cat and behind the cat, a weak and pathetic looking wizard.

Voldemort jumped out in front of the Wizard, who dodged him. "On the clock, sorry, no time," he said as he followed the blue things and the cat into the brush. Voldemort snarled and cast his favourite spell at the wizard's back.

He woke up with a blue creature sitting on his chest. This one was wearing red, unlike the others he'd seen, who were in white.

Voldemort tried to get up, but he was tied down. "Hello, I'm Poppa Smurf, and I need to tell you something before you get up. You're in The Smurfs, a Muggle cartoon, and here, any evil always goes wrong. It may seem to work for a bit, but Good will always win in the end here."

The creature slid off of him and he felt dozens of hands untying him. He jumped up when he could and cast again. "Crucio."

He watched in disbelief as a leaf, covered in dew turned toward the red light and reflected it back at him, causing him an instant's intense pain before he lost the concentration for the spell.

Voldemort looked at the leaf and considered the little creature's words. He was persistent though, and long after the show was cancelled, he was still trying to hurt anyone, anything in the woods besides himself.

Nine:

Voldemort appeared and before he even had his bearing there was a loud explosion and his bits were scattered over half of Los Angeles. The tall muscular thing with the one red light where his right eye should be looked at the feet that were all that was left of the being that had activated his threat radar.

"I'll Be Back." The thing looked at the feet again. "But You Won't."

Ten:

Voldemort appeared next to a man sitting on a rock. The man looked at him and shook his head. "You picked a really bad time to show up."

Voldemort frowned at him. "Why do you say that?"

The man pointed at the sky,and Voldemort looked up to see the Sun changing colours.

"Because the sun went Nova seven minutes ago."

_**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**_

_**oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**_

_**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**_

_Just a bit of amusement... I may or may not ever reach 101 ways, but as I think of another way to hassle old snake face, I'll write it down, and every time I have ten, I'll post them._


	2. Eleven to Twenty

_Ten more ways to cause Voldemort to wish he'd chosen to kill Neville._

_**Eleven to Twenty**_

_**Eleven:**_

Tom Riddle didn't even have time to curse as the four Muggles he's reappeared in front of raised their weapons and blew him into tiny pieces. As his spirit went off to find another small animal to inhabit, he heard the men talking.

"What in the hell was that?" asked one of the men.

"I dunno," said another, who shrugged. "But he wasn't a member of the militia, so he had to die."

_**Twelve:**_

Lord Voldemort appeared and looked around. He smiled as he cast a _Reducto_ at a tree and watched it explode into tiny splinters. He'd never felt so much magic anywhere, not even in Hogwarts. He was quite certain that with this much power, he could take over the world easily, as soon as he figured out where he was.

Tom Riddle was a particularly stubborn type of person, and it took him nearly a year to admit he was the only living thing on this island, and that you couldn't leave it.

_**Thirteen:**_

Voldemort appeared in the centre of a street and frowned. Everyone was ignoring him, running in one direction and screaming. After he killed one idiot Muggle that bumped into him in her panic, he turned around to what they were running from.

He never saw what it was, as the twenty meter foot of a huge ape came down and squashed him.

_**Fourteen:**_

Voldemort appeared and looked around. Facing him were some of the strangest people he'd ever seen. There was a red-haired woman, reminding him of Lily Potter, but dressed in what appeared to be a uniform of some kind, made of black leather. Next to her was a tall man, with a single lens in his glasses, that glowed a strange red. Beside them was a golem in human shape, a man three metres high and made of metal. Floating above and slightly behind them was a black woman with white hair, flying by some magic he didn't know. Also with them was a young ghost and an irritated looking short man with a cigar in his mouth.

"Who are you, bub?" the short man asked and Voldemort decided to show them his power. He raised her wand and spoke. "Crucio."

The spell missed as the group exploded into movement. The tall man simply touched his glasses and a red beam shot out, blowing Voldemort into the wall behind him. The black woman gestured and lightning struck him before he could even get his breath to put up a shield. An instant later, he felt someone trying to touch his mind, and the redhead frowned at him. "I can't touch his mind, but he has the feel of evil."

The metal golem was throwing the short man at Voldemort, and he had just enough time to realize the metal claws were growing out of the man's hands before those claws were deep in his chest. The last thing he heard as he faded from consciousness was the short man. "Jeanie, he came in here and tried to do something to us. The evil was a given, doncha think?"

_**Fifteen:**_

Voldemort appeared in front of an old Wizard, who radiated power. The Wizard looked at Voldemort and he felt his mental defences being pushed aside, as if they were not even there. "You are far too evil and steeped in death for me to allow you to roam free."

With that decision, Merlin blasted the intruder into ash, and captured its greatly reduced soul as it tried to flee. He looked around and finally shrugged. He wiped the man's memories and magic away with a thought and put the soul in a rabbit. "Go, live and be reborn. Mayhap next time you will be a better person." He turned, looking at the sky. Young Arthur should be pulling the sword from the stone any minute now, and he still had many things to do.

_**Sixteen:**_

Voldemort appeared in the centre of a city, somewhere in the Orient he judged, by the number of oriental faces in the street. They were staring at him in confusion and he was just deciding what he was going to do when there was a bright flash, and Nagasaki was destroyed by the second of two atomic bombs dropped in war.

_**Seventeen:**_

Voldemort appeared in front of a Muggle, a curly haired man with a scarf wrapped around his neck, who was just exiting a blue telephone box. Voldemort smiled to himself. All Potter's stone had done was move him to London. Easily dealt with. Voldemort concentrated on the place where he'd been fighting with Harry Potter and tried to Apparate.

As his molecules shredded themselves across five dimensions, ripping him apart in a spray of blood and pain such as he'd never imagined, he heard the strange man speak.

"You'd think that people would learn to follow the rules of the universe they're in. Everyone knows you can't teleport from this world."

_**Eighteen:**_

Voldemort appeared, standing on a pile of gold, but before he could say anything a deafening roar nearly shattered his eardrums. "Thief!"

He spun around, leading with his wand and stopped in surprise. The biggest dragon he'd ever even heard of was glaring at him. "You're not the Barrel-rider who was here a few minutes ago, but you'll do."

Smaug lowered his head and breathed fire on the fool, wishing the Barrel-rider hadn't escaped.

_**Nineteen:**_

Voldemort appeared in the centre of a group of Muggles. He looked around and frowned when he realized they were ignoring him to stare at the sky. He looked up and saw nothing, until the full moon crested the horizon. He shrugged, turning back to the Muggles.

He looked and froze. The Muggles had all shifted, and Voldemort stood in the centre of nearly thirty werewolves.

_**Twenty:**_

Voldemort appeared and started to fall. He tried to cast a spell, but magic didn't work here. He looked at the ground rushing up and tried to estimate how high he was.

At least twelve thousand metres he decided. He had a minute or two to learn to fly without magic.


	3. Twenty one to Thirty

_Still more ways to pester to the Snake Faced Moron of the Week._

_**Chapter Three:**_

_**Twenty-one to Thirty.**_

_**Twenty-one:**_

Voldemort appeared in a wooded glade, directly in front of a big Muggle holding a machete. The Muggle didn't say anything or hesitate. He chopped at Voldemort, cleaving his skull nearly to the bridge of his nose. The last thing Voldemort saw as he fell was the strange white mask the big man was wearing.

Voldemort woke up a few seconds later, the Horcruxes keeping him alive. He saw the man in the mask walking away and anger flared in him. "Avada Kedavra," he cast and watched the man fall. He got up and felt his face gingerly. The hole in his skull was rapidly disappearing and would soon only be a memory.

He turned around to see the man swinging the blade at him again. Voldemort had time for a single thought as he died again. "He must be a wizard. He's got a Horcrux also."

Silver Lake was never again bothered by Jason, and he soon became just another legend, like magic and Wizards.

_**Twenty-Two**: (Someone requested this one... I hope you like it.)_

Tom Marvolo Riddle reappeared in the middle of a glade and took a second to figure out what had happened to him. Harry bloody Potter has tossed a glowing stone at him. It must have been some type of Portkey. He looked around to figure out where he was. This could be almost any forest. He looked up and something caught his eye.

He frowned as he watched the brightly shining star. He'd never seen a star that bright. He had just realized that it was getting brighter when the micro-meteor exploded through his skull blowing everything inside out the back.

Voldemort's spirit looked at his body and turned away, already looking for another small animal to inhabit. "I hate Harry Potter," he thought as he entered a squirrel.

_**Twenty-three:** (Another request.)_

Voldemort blinked as he looked around, careful not to move. He was standing on the edge of a cliff that seemed to be several miles deep. He started to back up and flinched. From directly behind him had come a strange sound. "Meep-Meep."

Voldemort whirled around, raising his wand. He stared at the strange bird behind him, confused. The bird seemed to smile and then a sign appeared in its wing. "Look Down."

Voldemort frowned, taking a quick look below him. He looked back at the bird, wondering how he was standing on thin air. That was impossible after all.

As soon as he had that thought, he fell.

Another sign appeared in the Roadrunner's wing. "It's not impossible, unless you think it is."

_**Twenty-four:** (Wiley's turn.)_

Voldemort stared at the being in front of him in disbelief. A mangy dog of some kind was walking on its hind legs and muttering about part A fitting in bit B as it assembled some strange looking contraption.

He stepped a bit closer and the giant spatula on the top of the thing squashed him flat.

Wiley froze as his newest Acme product quivered. When it didn't hurt him he sighed in relief and climbed off of it. He saw the spot where the spatula had hit and walked over there. He studied the thing, frowning. He sniffed it. Some sort of snake, by the smell.

He looked at it and shrugged. He wanted Roadrunner, but it was getting late, and the snake was here. He scooped up the remains and saw the stick. Hah! Firewood to cook with. His day was looking up.

He nearly dropped the stick as it burst into red sparks when he picked it up. He took it back to his cave, shaking it occasionally to make the sparks appear again.

It wasn't until he'd finished his dinner that he made it do anything else.

_**Twenty-five:**_

Voldemort looked around, wishing there was somebody, (preferably Potter) in sight to curse. He was standing in a dark forest, and he couldn't see anything. "Lumos," he cast, causing a light to bloom at the tip of his wand.

A second later he put it out. He sighed, knowing he was soon going to be looking for a new body again.

Nothing with claws that big or that many sharp, pointed teeth could be friendly, and there had been far too many of them to count.

_**Twenty-six:**_

Voldemort appeared again,sitting in a small rubber raft in the middle of the sea. He frowned as he looked around, careful not to tip the raft. Where was that slightly ominous music coming from? He only had an instant to realize he was in trouble as the giant shark came up from under him and bit him in half.

The other half was eaten on the second pass.

_**Twenty-seven:**_

Voldemort appeared in the middle of a dirt street, with more than a hundred Muggles staring at him.

Both sides froze, staring at each other and then a stone bounced off of his skull. "Satan's Spawn!" came a cry, and suddenly, the Muggle crowd was a mob.

Voldemort got a few of them, but there were too many and they were too close. They tied him to a stake, and the first Witch burning of the Spanish Inquisition warmed the day.

_**Twenty-eight:**_

Voldemort appeared, and he looked around. He was in some sort of abandoned Muggle building from the look of it. He noticed a large something next to a pillar and walked over to it. It was a large block of some sort of plastic looking stuff, a sort of greyish white. It had several wires coming out of it, all leading to a black box with a strange clock on the top.

It was counting backwards. 05, 04, 03, 02, 01 ...

_**Twenty-nine:** (Here's one from my home, high in the Montana Mountains.)_

Voldemort appeared on a snow-covered slope, looking around and screaming curses at The Boy Who Lived. He stopped as he heard a rumbling sound. He listened as it grew louder, and he looked in that direction. Coming down the slope was a forty meter wall of snow and trees, and other things collected by the avalanche.

Voldemort was collected, and soon pinned by a large branch. He laid there, frozen under thirty metres of snow at the bottom of the slope, unable to move but unable to die either. It would be three months before the snow melted enough that the animals could get to him, freeing him to inhabit small rodents again, and the wand would sink into the mud, never to be seen again.

The two Forest Rangers watched the avalanche with interest from the crest of a nearby hill. "Good thing we closed the valley today. Johnny was right, it did drop."

The other one shivered. "I still get chills thinking about them. Could you imagine being trapped under there?"

_**Thirty:**_

Voldemort appeared in a snow filled glade, and he was hamstrung before he knew what had happened and the pack of starving wolves tore his throat out quickly.

He revived as he was being dragged back to the lair, only to have his throat eaten again. The puppies and all the adults ate well for the rest of the winter, even when hunting was bad.

Killing the prey every couple of hours got old though.

_**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**_

_**If you have a request, let me know.**_

_**Raven**_


	4. Thirtyone to Forty

_**Thirty-one to Forty**_

_**Thirty-one: (In honor of a recent movie...)**_

Voldemort reappeared in an alley. He swore viciously and looked around as he tried to figure out where he was. It was some sort of Muggle town and swore again as he found a newspaper on the ground. _"Harry Potter sent me to America?!" _he thought as he looked at the headlines.

He was about to walk out of the alley when the strangest thing he'd ever seen pulled into the alley on a motorcycle. The red eyed Dark Lord and the cycle rider with the flaming skull regarded each other for a minute. "You aren't the one I seek this night, but you are steeped in evil," said the skull faced being, and Voldemort brought up his wand. Anything that looked for people and could tell he was evil just by looking at him was bad news.

He was a little bit slower than his opponent though, as a chain came whipping out of nowhere and wrapped around his chest and arms, forcing him to the ground and making Tom drop his wand. "Feel the Fires of Vengeance," the rider said, and Voldemort had just one second to watch the fire flare as it traveled down the chain. _"This is going to hurt,"_ was his last thought before the fire hit him.

_**Thirty-two: (Diamondchild, this one is yours.) **_

The mother dragon sighed in relief as a human of some sort appeared before her. She lashed around with her tail, impaling the creature and making it drop the little stick it was holding. She draped the weakly struggling human over the edge of the nursery pit and listened to her child snapping and chewing at the meal. _"What luck,"_ she thought happily. _"Just as my baby was getting hungry too."_

_**Thirty-three:**_

Voldemort appeared in front of three Muggle teen-agers and cursed. He didn't know where he was, but he was going to make Potter suffer for this. He decided to kill the Muggles and raised his wand to point it at the short one with the red and white cap on.

A strange beast, some yellow thing with black button eyes rammed into the boy, knocking him out of the way of the Killing Curse. The little beast turned toward Voldemort and unleashed a bolt of electricity that blew him across the clearing. Voldemort struggled to his feet, revising his opinion. That was a magical beast of some kind, so those children had to be Wizards.

He looked back at the children and saw them releasing more monsters. The girl released a star shaped thing and the older boy made a huge rock snake of some kind appear. The star thing soaked Voldemort and an old memory from the Muggle orphanage surfaced. He looked around for the yellow beast and found it sitting in the puddle around his feet. It looked at him and made a strange sound as it exploded in a massive ball of electrical energy.

"Pikachu!"

_**Thirty-four:**_

Voldemort blinked into the air and fell some three meters to the ground. He stood up and cast a spell allowing him to find his enemies. A glow started in a nearby tree and he threw a Killing Curse at it. The curse hit and whoever it was hiding under the invisibility spell died without a sound. Voldemort looked around, trying to figure out what Potter had done.

He was in some sort of jungle, and from the feel of the heat, it must be near the equator. He tried to Apparate but it wouldn't work for some reason. He cursed and started walking, heading north.

Behind him, three beings looked at the remains of the fourth hunter in their group. They looked at each other and nodded. Turning away from the body, the three Predators started this new hunt.

This one promised to be quite a challenge.

_**Thirty-five:**_

Voldemort appeared in a scene from some sort of drug-induced hallucination. There was a large angry woman on a throne, being attended by men with playing cards for bodies. She glared at him. "You don't have an appointment! You failed to kneel to the Red Queen! Off with his head!"

As the playing cards drew swords and charged, Voldemort smirked. He knew how to deal with this. He brought his wand up and began cursing the cards. Killing Curses, Reductos and fire spells dropped cards with every shot, and it took him almost a minute to realize that when he hit one of them, they only fell down and stayed down for a few seconds. Then they got back up, even the ones that he used the Killing Curse on.

"That's impossible!" he snarled as they closed in.

The Red Queen smiled as the intruder disappeared under the swords of her men. "Maybe it is," she said, "but I make it a practice to believe eight impossible things before breakfast each morning."

_**Thirty-six:**_

Voldemort popped into a room and looked around. He'd interrupted a fight apparently. To his left, a blue skinned man was jumping up and down in fury and a teenage boy was pulling up his pants. The boy had a chattering thing on his shoulder, and Voldemort decided it must be a familiar.

To his right, two women had been fighting in a Muggle style. One was a young woman with impossibly red hair and the other appeared to have hands covered in the Killing Curse. He focused on that woman as the most dangerous one of this bunch.

He whipped a Killing Curse toward her and sent another toward the redhead as an afterthought. He didn't need any Weasley types here.

He turned toward the men and missed the two women dodging his curses. They looked at each other. "Friend of yours?" asked the redhead.

The older woman rolled her eyes. "I know you're young, but maybe you noticed he attacked me first?" she said in a sarcastic way.

They looked at each other. "I still have three minutes to defeat your plan for world conquest. Truce for two minutes, while we deal with him?" The redhead waited for an answer.

The woman with the glowing green hands considered it and shrugged. "Why not? It will be nice to be on the winning side for once."

The two women headed toward the interloper, each in their own way. The woman with the hands simply ran at him, cocking one of her hands back. The redhead grabbed a conveniently dangling wire and swung up and over, releasing it at the top of the swing, back flipping off of a wall and launching herself into a dropkick aimed at the man in the bad robes.

Voldemort saw the blue skinned man looking behind him and turned, just in time to be knocked on his A... rear by the redhead. Before he could do anything, the green woman hit him.

Pain exploded through his system as he flew across the room and through the wall. Kim Possible glared at her arch enemy. "You didn't have to kill him."

Shego shrugged. "I'm a villain, Princess, that's what I do."

They both ducked as the robed man sent another green bolt their way. Kim and Shego both stared at the man with the gaping hole in his chest where Shego's energy fist had struck him. They looked at each other and Voldemort went through the wall again, as Kim's foot and Shego's fist both connected at the same time. This time, Shego hit him in the head.

They watched as a ghost thing with a human appearing head rose from the body and went wailing through a wall.

"Great," said Kim in annoyance as she went back to stopping Dr. Drakken's latest plan of world conquest, "Another constantly returning Bad Guy."

She sighed as Shego smirked at her. "I helped you, Princess, now you owe me one."

This just wasn't Kim's day.

_**Thirty-seven:**_

Voldemort appeared in a room and looked around curiously. It was a steel room and the single door was without a handle on this side. He looked up as a hissing began. Very soon, he could smell something strange in the air. It wasn't until his hand spasmed and he dropped his wand that he understood that something was wrong.

Outside the room, the two Nazis watched a gauge carefully. "It seems that the room is secure. There is no loss of pressure, even under a three atmosphere pressure."

The other one agreed. "It's a good thing, too. That new nerve gas is supposed to be bad for your complexion."

The other one laughed. "We'll find out soon enough. The first shipment of prisoners is due in a week." He looked at his watch. "The test is over, let's pump the gas out and check the inside for damage."

They found the body in the room, and not being one to waste an opportunity, they went ahead and started the autopsy. Until the body screamed as they cut it open.

Five days later, they determined that they had a reusable test subject.

How very efficient.

_**Thirty-eight:**_

Voldemort appeared on a plain. He looked around but the only thing in sight was grass and a single eagle far off in the sky. He frowned and tried to Apparate. It failed and he cursed. Using a point me spell, he started north.

He'd been walking for about five minutes when he heard a faint noise. He stopped and listened. It was growing louder, and sounded like thunder. He frowned, looking around.

Over a crest in front of him, a few animals appeared, quickly followed by more. Soon, the horizon was covered with the huge beasts, all running toward him at full speed.

He recognized the beasts from a class in the Muggle orphanage, and even as he ran he was thinking. "This is impossible. There have not been this many buffalo in over a century."

Impossible or not, Stampeding Buffalo can run far faster and longer than anything on two legs and Voldemort soon fell, to be trampled by nearly twenty thousand animals.

In 1326, Lord Voldemort became the first white man to be trampled by buffalo.

_**Thirty-nine:**_

Voldemort appeared in front of a thing. The two of them examined each other in silence for a minute. The thing saw a strangely reptilian man, with red eyes and a stick in one hand.

Voldemort saw a humanoid shape made of metal, with a mirrored glass plate where his face should be.

Corporal Alexander Tremaine, Mobile Infantry checked his readouts and sent them up his data link. He got the word back almost instantly. Whatever that thing was, it was not human. That meant it must be something created by the Bugs. Almost casually, he brought his flame-thrower online and roasted the thing.

He checked his read outs and grumbled. He was nearly out of position with the platoon. He used his jump jets to catch up, making sure to step on the thing's head as he went by.

Damn Bugs and their toys.

_**Forty: (Since Laurell K. Hamilton doesn't allow fanfiction, this is not Anita Blake.)**_

Voldemort appeared in front of a woman that caught his eye. It wasn't her china doll beauty, or the Muggle gun she was pointing at him, but the raw power, some sort of Magic that swirled around her like a living thing. The power called to him, seducing him, even as he fought it.

Taani Bleak looked at the thing that had appeared in front of her and raised her Browning pistol. She didn't know what it was, but it felt of death, magic and evil. She almost smiled as she pumped three rounds into it. It was nice to find a monster that was just evil and not a friend. She frowned as it continued to move after she shot it. She pulled her sawed-off shotgun and gave it a traditional vampire slaying, taking out the head and heart.

She waited a few minutes and smiled as the body decayed. That was easy.

Even as she thought that, a spirit thing rose from the body and fled. She sighed. "Of course it couldn't that easy, I'm not that lucky."

_**Bonus Death:**_

Voldemort appeared in a strange room. He blinked, not understanding what he was seeing. Strange machines and consoles were everywhere, and lights blinked on panels set in the walls. He turned and froze. In front of him was a huge window, and it looked out on nothing, except a globe slowly turning in front of him.

Not being a stupid man, he quickly figured out that he was looking at a planet from above. He jumped and spun as a voice came from nowhere.

"The Nostradamus will self destruct in T minus one minute. You have thirty seconds to reach minimum safe distance."

_**OoOoOoO Author's Notes. OoOoOoO**_

Ten House points to the first person to identify the movie the bonus death is from. (Hint: The spoken line is from the movie.)

Some of you have made suggestions for ways to destroy the Dork Lard... and I'm getting to them as I can. Some of them I know nothing about so I have to research them before I can use them Be patient, I'll get to all of them, even if this goes over 100 ways.

Raven


	5. FortyOne to Fifty

_And more ways to kill, annoy, yadda yadda..._

_And just because I haven't said it in a long time, I want to remind everyone that I don't own Harry and crew, that I'm not making any money off this and that suing me over it is a waste of time. I mean, come on, it took me five days to scrape up 56.91 to replace a broken wireless internet card. How much broker could I be, and still have a computer at all?_

_That said, some of you have come up with ways to annoy Voldemort that sound like fun, and I will get to them all. Have some patience though, some of the things you have suggested, especially the Anime stuff is new to me and I'll have to look it up before I can use it without sounding like an idiot. That said, let's hurt Voldemort._

_**Forty-one to Fifty**_

_**Forty-one:**_

Voldemort appeared in a desert of some sort and snarled. Harry Potter was becoming a major annoyance. As soon as he saw him again, Voldemort decided he'd simply kill the brat. He started to walk only to hear a thud and feel the ground shake. He turned around to see a huge human shaped creature the color of a Killing Curse standing in a small crater.

Voldemort stared at the massively muscled thing for a minute and tried to put it under the Imperious. This thing would make an excellent slave. It ignored the curse and he tried the Cruciatus.

That got a response in a hurry. The monster roared and struck Voldemort with one huge fist. The last thing Voldemort heard as his skull was pushed out his... lower anatomy was the monster bellowing.

"HULK SMASH!"

_**Forty-Two:**_

The two beings monitoring the latest test were just opening the doors to the bubbling metal when an alarm went off. They couldn't react in time and the molten metal splashed into the pit, even as they hit the emergency abort.

They looked at each other apprehensively. The Hutt Lord would not be happy to have his experiment in Carbonite freezing ruined, and how the hell were they going to explain that the organic mass had simply appeared in the pit?

After the metal had cooled, they went and examined the mass. A strange being of a race they didn't recognize stood there, encased in Carbonite. One of them stared and looked at the other one. "Look at it. Dressed in robes, and holding a short handle. It must have been a Jedi. That would explain why we didn't see it, it was playing tricks on our minds."

Three months later, the Jedi brought down the Hutt crime lord and found the statue in his private quarters. Yoda looked at the statue and concentrated on the force. "Alive it is still, but filled with evil, yes?"

His Padiwan concentrated and felt the life and the evil in the statue. "Yes, Master Yodi. What should we do with it?"

Yodi reached with the Force, and felt the evil again and the tiny remaint of a soul torn to shreds by the being's own choice. This one would not be redeemed.

"Wait, we will. This one must learn in his own time. Allow him privacy we will."

The two Jedi left, leaving the statue behind on a deserted asteroid base not marked on any charts.

_**Forty-three:**_

Voldemort appeared on a street and froze. These people had vessels that flew and buildings so tall he couldn't see the tops of them. He ducked into an alcove while he thought. He saw a person walking by and used the Imperious. He made the man stand still while Voldemort used his Legilimency on him.

A few minutes later he was even more confused. Robots? Technology? And where was this place, that the man thought of as a planet called Alderaan?

Voldemort never would learn the answers to his questions as the Empire demonstrated the power of the Death Star for the first time.

Voldemort's spirit was left to haunt an asteroid belt for all eternity.

_**Forty-four:**_

Voldemort appeared nearly twenty feet above a large hole and fell into the hole before he could even cast a spell.

The bubbling fluid he fell into stole rational thought as pain washed over him, and Voldemort had lots of time to feel pain.

After all, the digestive system of the Sarlacc takes a thousand years.

_**Forty-five:**_

Darth Vader stared at the creature that had appeared in his private quarters. He had examined it with the Force, and it was as evil as the Emperor, but far more intractable, desiring only to cause pain to others, and to rule everyone it met.

Somewhere deep in Darth Vader, something stirred and he fought the urge for a minute. Finally he shrugged and activated his light saber.

He swung once and watched impassively as the head bounced on the floor. As the fractured soul came out of the remains, he captured it with the force and bound it to the heel of his boot.

Walking on the one that would rule was a mild amusement for him.

_**Forty-six:**_

Voldemort appeared in front of a woman, and even in the magical form he'd created, he felt an urge for this woman. Light skinned and beautiful, she was blond, with silky hair and the most vividly blue eyes he'd even seen. She was so intoxicating that Voldemort barely noticed the aura of power that swirled around her.

She looked at him, and Voldemort could only stare helplessly as she rifled though his thoughts. She frowned when she was done. "You've been a very evil man, mortal. I think it's time you remembered what is truly important in the world."

She gestured and Voldemort twisted in pain as his spirit was ripped from the various Horcruxes and returned to its original state. Before he could do anything, she gestured again and decades of hate were wiped away. His body was changed, back to a merely human shape and he found himself next to a Muggle female.

Voldemort fought it, but the Goddess's commands were too strong for him and he lived out his days as a simple farmer with a loving wife and lots of kids, all of whom he loved.

The Goddess Venus would look in on them occasionally, insuring that Voldemort had Love, Laughter and a very long life.

_**Forty-seven:**_

Voldemort looked around. He'd reappeared in the Great Hall of Hogwarts, right in the middle of a Sorting Ceremony. He looked at the head table and there was an old man, with a long white beard, a very familar scar and vivid green eyes raising his wand at him.

"It's been a long time, Tom. I'm afraid I just can't allow you to continue to cause trouble though." Harry Potter smiled sadly. "You should have stayed where ever you were. I've learned a lot in the last one hundred and twenty-two years."

Harry Potter waved his wand and Voldemort was frozen, unable to move or do anything but watch as Harry cast several more spells, destroying the Horcruxes he found in Voldemort's mind and finally transferring all the years Harry had lived to Voldemort.. He died then, as he aged one hundred and forty years in an instant.

Harry looked at his students, who were staring at him in awe. He ran his hands through his messy black hair. "My apologies for the interruption. Professor Lovegood, if you would continue?"

Selena Lovegood, Daughter of Neville and Luna, looked at the pile of dust that had been a Dark Lord and shook her head. _"Only Harry Potter would consider destroying a Dark Lord such a minor thing that it shouldn't interfere with the Sorting,"_ she thought as she looked at the list to call the next name. "Sirius Weasley."

_**Forty-eight:**_

Voldemort appeared in a hallway of some sort, with a dirt floor and rough plywood walls. Before he could move, tons of a thick grey substance were pouring down from above, and he disappeared under the concrete.

The Nile Dam spread water over much of the surrounding area and was build to last five hundred years. No one ever knew about the thing that raged in the base of the dam, unable to do anything but wait for the dam to wear away and free him.

_**Forty-nine:**_

Voldemort appeared in front of a Weasley girl, or at least that's what he thought. She was small and red-haired, holding a baby. "Crucio," he hissed and laughed at she screamed. That was when things went very wrong.

A sandy haired young man appeared in front of Voldemort, breaking the spell and Voldemort looked at this new enemy. He pointed his wand at him, but before he could cast a spell, the man held out his hand and said, "Burn."

Voldemort had a second to realize the man was a wandless caster before the pain stopped his thinking.

Belgarion watched the man who had hurt Ce'Nedra burn and there was not a shred of mercy in him. As the spirit tried to flee, Belgarion caught it and bound it to his chamber pot.

He turned to his wife. "Are you OK? Should I send for Aunt Pol?" Belgarion made a mental note as he tried to help his wife. He'd have to use that pot often.

_**Fifty:**_

Voldemort looked around the small room he was in. It was a square room with no doors or windows. He tried Apparating, and then destroying the room and nothing worked. His was cursing loudly when the music started.

"I love you, you love me." The insipid drivel was followed by "This is the song that never ends," and other insanely mindless baby songs.

Voldemort soon found out he couldn't block the music, hurt the room or himself. In a few long decades, he was no longer sane enough to cast a spell anyway.

_**OoOoOoO The Author, Here and Now. OoOoOoO**_

_More ways to annoy the Dork Lard..._

_Many of you have offered amusing ways to kill Moldylord and I'm looking some of them up as I have time, but SoG, BoB, PoE and MM&WS all come first, so it may be awhile before you see the death you asked for._ _Although, I have to say that being killed the way JKR did it is just humiliating. I won't say it here, in case someone out there doesn't know how Voldemort dies in Canon, but it's just so embarrassing when you think about it._

_Raven_


	6. What Has Come Before

_**Interlude: All the ways Voldemort has died so far.**_

_A/N: Some of you have had questions about the deaths and more have requested that I post the titles of worlds where he dies._

_So... here are the first forty deaths and each chapter after this will have the titles at the end._

_Some of you read this when I first posted it... and for some unknown reason, it deleted all the numbers and my formatting. I fixed it as fast as I could and here it is again.  
_

1. Highlander.

2. Care Bears.

3. Dungeons & Dragons.

4. The Dukes of Hazzard.

5. To be honest, I don't remember the name of the film that inspired this now. It was about a society where you could be arrested before you committed a crime. _**(LionofPerth and Immortal7 were the first two to inform me that the name of the film was Minority Report.)**_

6. Deliverance.

7. Nightmare on Elm Street.

8. The Smurfs.

9. Terminator.

10. No film/book, just a terminal case of bad timing.

11. No film/book, a headline about one of the militia groups in America.

12. No film/book, Suggested by Greeneyes as the worst possible punishment for him.

13. King Kong.

14. X-Men. _(The real ones, where Wolverine is the shortest one and Storm is tall.)_

15. Random Merlin encounter.

16. WW2. I think you can figure out when and where.

17. Doctor Who. _(Specifically, the fourth Doctor, Tom Baker.)_

18. The Hobbit.

19. The werewolf world of White Wolf.

20. No film/book, just a terminal case of bad timing.

21. Friday the 13th.

22. No film/book, just a request for an asteroid death.

23. The Roadrunner. _(Another request from dave-gerecke )_

24. The Roadrunner, again.

25. No film/book in particular, choose any monster from late night B rated films.

26. Jaws

27. The Spanish Inquisition.

28. Any film/book they destroy a building in, choose your favourite.

29. No film/book, just a memory from my home, of watching an avalanche destroying a hillside one winter.

30. Back to my Montana home. Mother Nature got to kill Voldemort, I thought it'd be nice to give the wildlife a shot at it.

31. Ghost Rider.

32. D&D dragon. _(As requested by DiamondChild.)_

33. Pokemon.

34. Predator.

35. Alice in Wonderland. _(In the court of the Red Queen.)_

36. Kim Possible.

37. Any concentration camp of WW2.

38. Inspired by Dances with Wolves, but not actually in the film.

39. Starship Troopers by Robert A. Heinlein. _(The Book, not that pathetic film.)_

40. This is most definitely not Anita Blake by Laurell K. Hamilton since she doesn't allow fan fiction. _(Any amazing similarities are purely coincidence.)_

_**Bonus Death at the end of Chapter Four:**_ Alien. _(Ten house points to Slayer6 for being the first to recognize it.)_

41. The Hulk.

42. Star Wars.

43. Star Wars. _(again.)_

44. Star Wars. _(and again.)_

45. Star Wars. _(So many ways to die in that series...)_

46. Roman Mythology.

47. Harry Potter. _(Like any of you didn't get this one.)_

48. Our world again, during the building of the Nile Dam.

49. The Belgarion Series by David Eddings. _(Well worth the reading.)_

50. Ultimate punishment... nothing but kiddie show themes forever.

_Alrighty... That will catch us up to the current chapter and starting with the next chapter (Coming soon, like this month,) the titles will be at the end of each chapter._

_Raven, off to plot more ways to hurt the Voldemort idiot._


End file.
